Losing it[1]

Fforde’s previous books[1] featured literary detective Thursday Next, and were set in a world where fiction is altogether real. They’re quite unlike anything else I’ve ever read, and are a lot of fun. But now, Fforde is beginning a new series. And he’s still playing with the borders of reality[2]. What we have here is a police procedural thriller[3] set in a world ever so slightly different from our own.

Detective Inspector Jack Spratt[4] is head of the NCD (Nursery Crimes Division) in Reading. Passed over for promotion, generally sidelined and about to have his division wound up, Jack’s not happy. He’s even less happy that he failed to secure a conviction in the case of the killing of Mr Wolff by the three Pigs.

Detective Sergeant Mary Mary isn’t too happy, either. She’s transferred from Basingstoke, and with an eye on her career, she’d rather be working for the glamorous Detective Chief Inspector Freidland Chymes[5], who’s well up in the Guild of Detectives and who always gets a good write-up in Amazing Crime Stories. But instead, she finds herself assigned to Jack and his small group of misfits.

Then the Big Case comes in, and nothing will ever be the same again[6]. Humpty Dumpty has had a fall, and it’s going to take a more than some King’s horses and men to put him together again. But did he fall, or was he pushed? But Humpty has been depressed lately - could he have killed himself? Or is something more sinister going on?

Why was Humpty buying shares in a footcare company on the verge of collapse? Why does Chymes want to take the case away from Jack? Is any giant (or tall person) safe near Jack? Will Mary fit in with Jack and his staff?

All this, plus a beanstalk and much more.

Madder than Robert Rankin on one of his really good days. Very silly, very funny, and yet still manages to be an involving story with sympathetic characters.

A sequel is promised. I’m looking forward to it already.

[1]






[2] Or something like that, anyway
[3] Sort of
[4] Who doesn’t eat fat, and has an unearned reputation for killing giants
[5] OK, warning time. A lot of Fforde’s humour comes from characters with silly names. Friedland Chymes is one of many. Personally, I like that kind of thing
[6] Fforde is deliberately playing every cliché in the detective story book…

Hmmm, this review is a wee bit late, but here goes….

This is a continuation of the story told in Revelation Space and Redemption Ark, but leads us into some new territory.

As usual, there are several threads, which eventually come together. Refugees from the war with the Inhibitors[1] are looking for a haven. Their leader, Clavain has retreated into himself, leaving their colony to be led by a genetically modified pig named Scorpio.

And on the planet Hela, enormous “cathedrals” travel endlessly around the world, waiting to observe a recurring miracle.

Everything comes together in a suitably dramatic manner, and a decision has to be made that will have far-reaching consequences for humanity.

In typical Reynolds fashion, very few things are as they first seem, and it takes a while before events become clear.

It’s big, it’s bold, it’s Reynolds. If you’ve read his other books, you’ll want to read this one, too.

[1] Ancient machines designed to “inhibit” intelligent life by destroying anyone and anything that develops interstellar travel

Oh good, it’s another Robert Rankin book. Rankin, who I’ve mentioned before is one of a small number of authors whose books I always buy in hardback as soon as they appear. Waiting nearly a year for the paperback is not an option. Just for a change, the latest novel isn’t the sixth in a trilogy, or part of any of his ongoing series. But on the other hand, it does cross reference with events, people and ideas from many of Rankin’s other stories, so it’s not strictly a stand-alone novel.

So, what’s it about then? Ah, well. Asking that about a Rankin novel is missing the point, somehow. I mean, there is a plot, and I could give you a synopsis[1], but that wouldn’t really tell you much. But there again, perhaps I should…

It’s the 1960s[2], and our teenage hero has taken his girlfriend to Brighton with the intention of having what I believe is known as a “dirty weekend”. Unfortunately, this is interrupted when he is thrown into the sea and (so he believes) drowns.

He is pulled from the sea by none other than Hugo Rune, a towering and mysterious presence in many of Rankin’s books. Having lost his memory, Rune gives him the name “Rizla”, which might ring a faint bell with regular Rankin readers. Rune employs Rizla to assist him in a bizarre series of exploits centred around the “Brighton Zodiac”[3]. At stake is the future of the world. Can Rune and Rizla prevent the evil Count Otto Black from gaining control of the Chronovision[4] and becoming World Dictator? Well, yes. Of course they can, but there’s a lot of extreme silliness and fun on the way.

And at the end of the quest, Rizla regains his memory, and we find that he’s a very old friend[5].

Completely nuts, very, very silly, and highly recommended.

Or you could wait for the paperback.

[1] I’ve always wanted to say “synopsis”. I may have to say it again at some point.
[2] Mostly. Many quite outrageous anachronisms and the like are to be found here
[3] You’ll have to read the book to find out about that
[4] Which has also been mentioned in other Rankin books…
[5] To anyone who’s been reading Rankin for a long time, anyway

I’ve been looking forward to this CD for a while[1], ever since Cash Machine caught my attention some time ago (last year? not sure). An earlier version was released independently last year, but here it is a a full release, suitably re-recorded and with more goodies.

Hard-Fi come from Staines, one of those towns outside London that people always seem to come from. Their songs are about the kind of desperation of ordinary lives in ordinary places, but with a lot of positive attitude.

Opening track Cash Machine is one of the best, or at least the most immediately appealing items here. It’s about not having enough money to get from one pay day to the next. When the cash machine tells you that you have no money left in the bank:

Go to a cash machine, to get a ticket home
A message on the screen says don’t make any plans you’re broke
No, no, this can’t be right, I know that times is tight
I’ve only just been paid - three weeks, five days till I’m seen right

Things only get worse. His mobile phone’s out of credit, so he can’t phone anyone, and he can’t travel without paying because a ticket inspector is around. And now his girlfriend is pregnant

What am I going to do, my girlfriend’s test turned blue
We tried to play it safe, that night we could not wait
No, no, this can’t be right, she said it would be all right
I can’t afford to be a daddy, so I leave tonight

Tied up too tight is about the feeling of being an outsider in a small town, and comes complete with a “na na na na na” sing along chorus, which is nearly too cheesy to pass, but somehow works.

Hard to beat is a love song, more or less, and does as good a job as I’ve ever heard of describing the feeling of being totally blown away by that one person..

Can you feel it? Rockin’ in the city
Ah yeah, straight out of nowhereness
Like a fist, can’t resist you, oh no
I tell you something

You know I love ya, just wanna touch ya
Stand up, knock me right off my feet
Hard to beat, hard to beat, hard to beat

And there is, as they say, much more. The CD ends with the title track[2], which is more fun than several barrels of especially entertaining monkeys[3] - all about being the star of your own life’s movie thanks to the security cameras that follow us all everywhere…

We’re the stars of CCTV
Making movies out on the street
Flashing blue lights, camera action
Once in my life - main attraction
We’re the stars of CCTV
Can’t you see the camera loves me

All good stuff, and well worth a listen or six. And now CDs are getting cheaper again, there’s no excuse for not getting it! Or go to your favourite download site, if that’s your thing…

[1] And not just because it came out while I was in Amsterdam!
[2] That’s Stars of CCTV for anyone not paying attention
[3] I’m not sure if barrels of monkeys really are that much fun, but it’s one of those expression thingies that people use. I don’t think I’ll bother with it again

You’ve seen (and possibly worn) the wristbands, now read the book. It’s short and to the point, explaining the aims of the Make Poverty History movement. It covers the causes of poverty, the action that a lot of people believe must be taken, and suggestions for what people in general can do to help.

It also gives some answers to the questions some people might have. I’m not going into the details here - you’ll find it all in the book, or on the website. Read it, and make up your own minds.

And just to clarify one thing - yes, that is an Amazon affiliate link. If anyone happens to buy the book, I will pass on the small amount of money I’ll get from Amazon to one of the charities involved in the campaign.

Oh, yes . Here we have the fourth CD from the very talented and still very young Merseyside band, who’ve been releasing very catchy songs for three years now. Nice tunes, nicely played, and with a lovely degree of utter looniness[1].

Recommended track: In The Morning, which was a recent single. I need to give this a few more listens to get into some of the other tracks, but it’s all good stuff, and well worth a try. I’d also recommend their first two albums. On The Coral, you really should know Dreaming of You, and on Magic and Medicine, you’ll want to hear Don’t Think You’re the First.


[1] I don’t care if that is a proper word, I just think it’s appropriate in the context

Yes, Minister and its sequel Yes, Prime Minister were classic BBC sitcoms of the 1980s.

Backbench MP Jim Hacker (Paul Eddington) is promoted to the cabinet as Minister for Administrative Affairs, a key (fictional) role in the new government. He has to work with the delightfully devious Sir Humphrey Appleby (Nigel Hawthorne), a senior civil servant who is determined that ministers should be kept firmly in their place, and the altogether more pleasant Bernard Woolley (Derek Fowlds[1]).

Hacker has many grandiose ideas, a nice line in Churchillian pomposity and little idea how things really work. At almost every turn, his plans are thwarted by Sir Humphrey. The three seasons of the original series are classic British comedy, with some lovely lines. I’m particularly fond of this exchange between Hacker and Bernard. Hacker has just asked Bernard how Sir Humphrey found out that Hacker had been having a meeting with a member of the department (something Sir Humphrey does not approve of at all)

“God moves in a mysterious way”
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear - Humphrey is not God, OK?”
“Will you tell him, or shall I?”

The show was popular with politicians and public - even Margaret Thatcher, not generally known for her sense of humour, enjoyed it. It became generally known that the relations between the Civil Service and ministers were not wholly inaccurate, which would account for a lot…

After a couple of years, the show returned with a Christmas special, in which Hacker (unlikely enough as a Cabinet Minister) managed to rise to the position of Prime Minister, while Sir Humphrey moved up to the top as Cabinet Secretary. Two seasons of Yes, Prime Minister followed. Perhaps not as good as the earlier programmes, but still very watchable all these years later.

On watching the DVDs, I spotted a sight gag in one episode that I’d missed before. There’s a shot of some newspapers on a table, all with headlines relating to Hacker’s latest exploit. In a tribute to its reputation for typos, The Guardian appears with The Gaurdian on its masthead. Nice

[1] Readers of a certain age might recall him as “Mr Derek”, when he worked with Basil Brush

Yes, it’s Alastair Reynolds again. But not another big novel this time. Diamond Dogs, Turquoise Days is a much smaller book containing two previously published shorter works set in the same universe as Revelation Space, Chasm City and Redemption Ark.

Diamond Dogs involves a group who explore an alien structure dubbed Blood Spire, which rather in the manner of an adventure game, involves solving mathematical puzzles to open doors. While solving the puzzles would be enough of a problem, Blood Spire punishes failure with extreme force. As the group progresses through the many rooms, the survivors have to modify themselves in order to pass through as each door is slightly smaller than the last. Nasty things happen, deceptions are uncovered, and some changes are more permanent than expected. As Reynolds acknowledges on his website, this was inspired by the Algis Budrys classic Rogue Moon. And a nod to David Bowie for the title, of course.

Turquoise Days, which I’ve read before, possibly in an anthology, but I can’t remember when, gives more insight into the Pattern Jugglers, aquatic aliens mentioned indirectly in the novels. The work of researchers on Turquoise, an isolated water planet, is disrupted by unexpected visitors with a hidden agenda. (There’s a lot of those in Reynolds’ books).

You know, the first few times I listened to Coldplay’s third album, I wasn’t all that impressed. My initial impression was of an overall wash of sound with very little in the way of actual songs. But it was a pleasant enough sound, so I left it on repeat play for my walks to and from work, and slowly it began to grow on me. And yes, there are some songs in there.

Chris Martin’s lyrics are often a little on the oblique side - it’s not at all obvious what, if anything, the songs are “about”. That’s not necessarily a bad thing - each listener can take the words to mean whatever they want to. Their previous album, A Rush of Blood to the Head did very well, partly thanks to the use of Clocks in more TV shows, trailers and who knows what else than almost any other song I can think of in recent years. Still, it was a rather good album, and there are a couple of songs on it that got into my head and stayed there. Is the follow-up going to do the same? Probably.

So, taking a few tracks in no particular order:

• Speed of Sound - this was the first single to be released, and it’s pretty much what you’d expect from Coldplay. Nice to listen to, hooks that worm their way into your brain and some odd imagery:
  

  And birds go flying at the speed of sound
  To show how it all began
  Birds came flying from the underground
  If you could see it then you’d understand

  I’m trying not to visualise pigeons in Oxford Circus station. With minimal success.

• White Shadows - the first track to really grab me. Certainly the first one where the actual song started getting through to me. A really catchy bit:
  

  Maybe you’ll get what you wanted
  Maybe you’ll stumble upon it
  Everything you ever wanted
  In a permanent state

• Talk - oooh, nice guitar hook in this one. One of those snippets that goes round and round in my head, and which will probably end up being used in numerous TV programmes.
• ‘Til Kingdom Come - the “hidden” track at the end. Not all that hidden, really, but it’s not listed on the CD packaging. Compared with the carefully crafted instrumentation and production of the rest of the album, this is a much simpler affair - acoustic guitar and Chris’s voice for the most part. And it’s a proper bloody song! I don’t think anyone would accuse Coldplay of excessive cheeriness, but this is a particularly sad-sounding song.
  

  For you I’d wait
  ‘Til kingdom come
  Until my day
  My day is done
  And say you’ll come
  And set me free
  Just say you’ll wait
  You’ll wait for me

X&Y is a lot better than it seemed to me on first listening. Coldplay are now a very big band indeed, and this can only make them bigger.

This is Reynolds’ third novel, and is a sequel to Revelation Space. There are also some links to Chasm City - while it’s never explicitly stated, a character known as “H” seems to be none other than Tanner Mirabel from the earlier book.

In this book, more background to the story is revealed. We get to learn a lot more about some of the factions humanity has split into - more about the Conjoiners in particular. The Conjoiners are a group who, with the aid of brain implants are able to share each other’s thoughts.

Thanks to an experimental system called Exordium, the Conjoiners are receiving messages from the future, warning them of the danger that humanity is in. A century before the action of this book, they stopped manufacturing their starship engines because they were drawing the attention of terrible destructive entities that they have come to know as the Wolves. It becomes clear that the Wolves are the same as the Inhibitors - the intelligent machines that have been wiping out starfaring civilisations for millions of years, and which were alerted by the actions of Dan Sylveste in Revelation Space.

As is generally the case with Reynolds’ books, there are several threads which eventually come together. On Resurgam, Ana Khouri is working undercover in the government and keeping in contact with Ilia Volyova, who is the official hate figure of the local regime. Volyova was in effective command of the lighthugger Nostalgia for Infinity, whose arrival at Resurgam in Revelation Space led to Sylveste alerting the Inhibitors. And now the Inhibitors have arrived, and it is clear that they are aiming to destroy all life on Resurgam. Khouri and Volyova devise a plan to evacuate the colony on their ship.

Decades earlier, the Conjoiners decide that something has to be done about the Inhibitor menace. A secret inner faction has built a fleet of ships, intending to flee to a distant part of the galaxy. Nevil Clavain, who originally defected to the Conjoiners four centuries earlier learns of the plan, and defects again. He heads to Chasm City, and then on to Resurgam. Both Clavain and the Conjoiners chasing him are after the same thing - the centuries old “Hell Class” weapons that are on board the Nostalgia for Infinity - stolen centuries earlier by the lighthugger’s crew, and originally made using information from the future.

Clavain and his crew arrive at Resurgam while the evacuation is in progress. And then things get really interesting.

Yes, it’s another long, detailed, complicated and above all fun novel from Alastair Reynolds.

Once I’ve read the rest of the books (reviews soon), I’ll be going through my back issues of Interzone to re-read some of the man’s short stories.